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| Image credit: Photo by "T"eresa on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons |
So, I found out last week (much to my disappointment) that I am not the Ultimate Ruler of the Universe. In fact, I'm not even a competent Ultimate Ruler of Me. Maybe some of you knew that already. Actually, I knew that already, but I always forget. You see, I make these grand proclamations like "I am going to get enough sleep this week!" expecting the universe is just going to fall in line and let me do that and that I am going to be able to use my willpower to change deeply ingrained habits. And, go figure, everything and everybody does what they're going to do, which (oddly) doesn't include bending to my will.
Last week, I announced (to myself, my family and my little corner of the blogosphere) that I would be starting The Week of Sleep to kick of my Year of Health. I was going to be in bed by 10 p.m. each night, and I was going to get a solid eight hours of sleep a night for a change. And with all of that sleep, I was going to be able to eat better, exercise more and (as an added bonus not related to the Year of Health) keep my house neat and tidy like never before. And for a few nights, I was actually doing pretty well; I got that sleep and was feeling hopeful about the week to come.
Then my husband got sick. And my daughter got sick. And he was coughing all night. And she was unable to fall asleep because her head hurt and her tummy hurt and her eyes hurt and her jaw hurt and her nose hurt. And she was unable to stay asleep because her nose was runny and she was coughing and she needed water and she needed medicine and did she have a fever? no, but she was still too hot and then too cold and then just not comfortable. So I didn't get all that awesome sleep for several nights.
But then, when everyone started feeling better, I still didn't get the sleep I needed. Because at the end of it all, I just threw my hands up and said, "Fine! If that's the way it's going to be, if the universe is not going to collude in my quest for sleep, then I'm not going to either!" So, the past two nights, when I could well have gone to bed by, maybe not 10 p.m. but at least 10:30 p.m., I've been up until close to (or well after) midnight. As usual.
So, at what should have been the end of The Week of Sleep, I haven't slept. In fact, I. am. totally. exhausted. But even through my bleary, sleep deprived eyes, I can see that I neither accepted the things I could not change nor had the courage to change the things I can. It's time to start over this week with a new attitude, in which I'm not the big boss of the nighttime world, knowing I have an added reason to pray at bedtime.
This post was originally published at The Second Road.
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