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| Image credit: Photo by 4NUM4N on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons |
There are times when I am so proud to be an American, it literally brings tears to my eyes. Sometimes that even happens late at night during the commercial breaks when I'm watching reruns on some obscure local channel.
Since the advent of the DVR (and even before it, the VCR), I'll admit, I haven't watched many commercials. But occasionally, I'm not quick enough with the remote, something catches my eye, and I watch for a moment, enthralled. Like the other night. I caught a flag waving and heard the distinctive, demanding, urgently enthusiastic tones of a voice-over announcer commanding me to order now...
And oh, what rapture! I wish I could share it with you in full, but in a way that is both sad and fitting, it is not available on YouTube. You may not be able share in the heady rush of patriotism directly, but you can temper your disappointment knowing that magical moments like this simply aren't intended to be savored at cold, hard desks, lingering over our shimmering, pixelated screens; they're meant to be experienced ensconced in the plush loving arms of our sofas, recliners and beds, bathed in the glow of our televisions.
On screen, backed by stars and stripes, images of the Statue of Liberty, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Barack Obama flashed by, each one crowned in vibrant, living greenery. A pottery replica of Lady Liberty sprouted lush, green tresses before my eyes. George Washington's bald pate was replaced in moments by a verdant wig, and eerily similar green afros burst from the heads of both Barack Obama and Abraham Lincoln. Yes, some of our treasured national icons have been transformed into Chia Pets, decorative busts that grow grass for hair.
When the announcer told me that owning one would make me "proud to be an American," I'm ashamed to admit that I experienced a brief moment of skepticism. (Oh, how jaded I've become!) But then I thought about it. What could be more American than a Chia Pet? Can you imagine a Chia pet of any other national symbol? A Chia Eiffel Tower? Hardly! A Chia Big Ben? Please! What about ending the Chia Cold War? You can't even do a Chia Gorbachev, but a Chia Reagan? Now we're talking. Ch-ch-ch-Chia Prez!
And what's more American than television, or still more: television advertising? Seeing the beloved symbols of our nation transformed into a uniquely American product and featured for patriotic consumption on that haloed relic of American television, the commercial, why it's like wrapping the Statue of Liberty in an American flag and baking her into an apple pie.
And that made me so delighted to be an American, that I really did get tears of joy in my eyes and started to hum (softly, giggly to myself) "God Bless America." If they could only have made Chia Abe Lincoln grow a beard, I think the ecstasy might have killed me.
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