Summer Vacation

Image credit: Photo by emdot on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons

There is a parable in the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People about a person who works harder and harder to saw down a tree because of a perception that there is no time to stop, take a break and sharpen the saw. I have never been a big saw sharpener. I like to push and push and say, "Just this one more thing and then I can take a break. I'll stop when this is finished. It would be selfish of me to stop when other people aren't." And because I'm a perfectionist, I have rarely been able to get that one more thing to a state where it is finished enough to satisfy me, so I hack away endlessly at that tree with an old toothless saw.

This summer, my kids been staying up later, enjoying the long summer days, and I have been getting less by extension. We've had more visitors, as people travel in the summer and between the kids and the guests, I haven't had much time for solitude, something I deeply need to sharpen my own mental and spiritual saw. I've been striking a better balance than in years past, by prioritizing and cutting back on activities (like blogging), but as the summer draws to a close I've still be exhausted and cranky in a way that I'm not during the school year, when I can count on a little time each day where I can at least use the bathroom without anyone needing me. And, unlike in times past, I could recognize the wear and the need for time to repair it before I collapsed.

So, a few weeks ago, Mark volunteered to watch the kids while I took the weekend off. It wasn't anything fancy, just a cheap room in a nearby hotel for two nights. And I didn't do anything fancy, just slept and watched a few cheesy movies I'd rented. But when I came back home, I felt so much better. As soon as I walked through the door, Mark said, "You look so much more relaxed." And I was.

I was also profoundly grateful that, guilty as I felt about taking time for me and spending money (especially with both the economy and Mark's work situation a little shaky) on me, I was able to do it: able to have the resources and help I need to make it possible right now and able, through the past years I've spent working my recovery, to ask for what I need and allow myself to do it.

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This post was originally published at The Second Road on August 30, 2009.