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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Unremarkable Toilet Training of a Neurotypical Child









Image credit: Photo by
sierraromeo on Flickr
Licensed under Creative Commons

I toilet trained my son Austen over three years ago, but the process was so time consuming and energy intensive that the details are seared into my brain. My daughter Janie started using the toilet more recently than Austen -- only just over a year ago -- and I have barely any recollection at all of the process. Perhaps that's because there wasn't really a process.

Janie went to preschool a few hours a day starting from the time she was three years old, which she loved, because she is my social butterfly. (Oh, it is so boring to be with Mama all day!) She would practice using the toilet at school, and I would let her use the toilet whenever she wanted at home, but made no special effort to encourage her to do it. Sometimes she would want to give it a try, sometimes not, but I kept her in diapers regardless, because I had learned that if there is something I hate more than changing diapers it is cleaning up accidents in underwear. (Ick.)

At some point, her teachers felt she was ready to go to school in underwear. It was fine with me if they wanted to clean up accidents, so I sent her in underwear and made sure to pack extra clothes. Then, each day when we left school, I'd whip off her panties and stick her in a pullup right there in the school parking lot. (Well, I couldn't do it in the school. Then the teachers would know I was cheating on my end of the toilet training!)

Eventually, Janie told me she was a big girl and didn't want to wear diapers anymore, and I told her she'd have to use the toilet at home with no accidents to prove it to me. And at some point she did. Or something like that, to the best of my recollection...

So, ta da! I'm a toilet training genius! Or I had a kid whose body (at sometime between 3 and 4) was ready to use the toilet, who was able to easily read her body's cues and who was motivated simply by a desire to move to the next stage of "big kid" social norms by wearing underwear. And I just went with it. Whatever. I think I'll stick with genius.
Posted by at 4:42 AM
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7 comments:

  1. Sophie in the MoonlightNov 19, 2008 04:55 AM
    8-)
    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't have an NT child but I can imagine it is much easier. A few of my friends have related their toilet training woes with their NT children and it was really hard for me to show empathy considering the difficulties we had in that area. I know though that it is tough training any child. Sometimes it is hard for me to put myself in someone elses shoes though. You know?
    ReplyDelete
  3. Mary P Jones (MPJ)Nov 19, 2008 05:27 AM
    I totally know, Marla. I sometimes have problems with empathy too when voice routine difficulties with their kids or marriages. Maybe something for me to write about, if I can find a way to do it from an empathetic place...
    ReplyDelete
  4. I think I slightly lost my mind when it came to getting Eve out of diapers. She decided to try panties about a month after we lost Jesse, and I was in no shape to take any kind of action on anything. I couldn't decide what to do. I couldn't figure out where to buy panties. I remember wandering in daze around the mall one afternoon and coming home with three pairs of socks.

    I remember only one thing about that time: we went to visit Claire and Eve, who didn't like strange potties, hadn't used the bathroom for about four hours. We were about to leave on the 90-minute drive home. I asked her to go to the bathroom in the restaurant and she refused. I said "if you go to the bathroom, you can have a cookie". She went in, climbed up, peed, got down and returned to the cookie counter. That's when I realized we were done with diapers for good - and honestly I have no idea how long it took.
    ReplyDelete
  5. My aunt did something similar w my cousin - he stayed in diapers until after he was four and used the toilet when he wanted. One day he came home from pre-school and declared he would only wear big kid undies. That was that.

    messy for mama, but a little less stress for the little one
    ReplyDelete
  6. Karen Maezen MillerNov 19, 2008 01:09 PM
    Ah, but how many NT children are fortunate enough to be trained by an Unremarkable Parent? Our own expectations, pressures and judgments make for most of the ordeal. I see you were unremarkable enough to allow your daughter to be between age 3-4. How many parents throw themselves into it even before age 2?
    ReplyDelete
  7. Progress, Not PerfectionNov 20, 2008 02:30 AM
    Thanks for your posts. I appreciate all of your patience. I dont have children of my own, but I nannied for 8 years. It can be so hard sometimes and people just dont get that. Parenting is the most difficult job in the world and I give you a world of patience for all of your patience love and sacrifice.

    Kristen
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