how I came to be where I am around the current election.
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| Image credit: Photo of a totally kick ass pumpkin by ladybugbkt on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons |
This election season has been my perfect storm. I came in emotionally raw, haunted by the ghosts of the last election. Four years ago, I was both seething with self-righteous liberal anger over Bush's 2004 election win and mourning the loss of the child that wouldn't be. I was depressed and alienated by political discussions with friends. And I was feeling hurt and abandoned by my husband.
This year, I found myself angry at and hurt by my husband-surrogate Barack Obama, who knocked the surrogate-me of Hillary out of the race. And I found myself personally (although not politically) sympathetic toward Sarah Palin and (for more reasons than I had time to write about) drawn to John McCain. (Question to you psychiatrists: Is it still transference if I know I'm doing it?)
And I came to see, as all these emotions crashed down upon me, that much of my past obsession with politics, much of my devotion to causes and candidates, is tied up in my own codependency.
So, where am I on the eve of elections? I'm starting to see how much my voting always has been based on my emotions, even though I fooled myself into thinking it was strictly rational. I'm beginning to realize that a lot of people (on both sides) are invested (as I have been) in hyping the importance of each election, and are driven by (and driving) feelings of desperation and fear. I am much more overwhelmed by the complexities of life and much less sure that what I, personally, believe will lead to the results I desire. I'm much less likely to see one side as "good" and the other as "bad." I am beginning to genuinely understand and accept different points of view and to see that I need to work toward understanding and compromise rather than trying to force change. I'm learning that I'm not sure anymore (if I ever was) which qualities in a leader are most important to me as a voter: experience? harmony with my own moral beliefs? ability to inspire? ability to administrate? ability to compromise?
And I'm finding that all of that, as everything else, requires that I continue to work on me: to gain clarity, to stay calm and centered, and to be able to live and model the acceptance and understanding and compromise I want to see in our public dialog and public policy.
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