The Overwhelmed

Image credit: Photo by angegreene on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons

Austen had his friend Tony over for a playdate for the first time last week, which means I had Tony's mom over for a playdate. I was a little nervous when I talked to her on the phone because she quizzed me about what therapies and extracurriculars my son was engaged in, and parents who are that interested in the details of my approach to my son's education and training are almost always asking so they can catch me doing something wrong. But when I met her in person, I found that she was one of the Overwhelmed, like me: the moms who can either choose to bathe their kids or get homework done, but not both; the moms who limit trips out because they fear dealing with a screaming fit in the grocery store or having to chase a child bolting away at the park; the moms who seem anxious and sleep deprived; the moms who feel that the rest of the world is about to pounce on them for not working harder and doing better.

I like meeting the Overwhelmed, because, especially at this time of year, I look at other people and think "How do they do it?" My life is lived balanced on the point of a needle. If absolutely everything goes right, I can get the dishes and laundry done and feed and dress everyone. I can (almost) take the time I need to get (almost) adequate rest and stay (almost) physically, mentally and spiritually healthy. And I can pick one (and only one) additional thing to get done per day: homework or baths or cleaning the cat box or filling out paperwork or returning phone calls.

But add just one thing to the mix, like say, Halloween, and I'm done for. I volunteered (in a fit of optimism) to bake cupcakes for the Halloween party at Janie's school tomorrow. I had great visions of how Janie and I were going to giggle together making thirty-something cupcakes, iced orange and decorated with black M&M grins. This has not yet been me as a mom. It's the mom I dreamed of being. It's the mom my mom was. But in actuality, I've been the mom who (wisely) volunteers to bring the paper plates because I can pick them up at the grocery store without adding any further responsibilities to my life.

So, this week, to prep for Halloween (and I'm doing a minimum, believe me), I've let the house go (dishes and laundry are currently undone, every room in the house has stuff strewn on every available flat surface). I've let my sleep and meditation and writing go. I've even let food go (this will be my second frozen dinner night in a row and I fed Janie Chex mix for dinner tonight so we'd have time to run a last Halloween costume errand). And homework, the cat box and all the rest? Ha!

Now that the kids are both asleep, I'm ready to pop in my frozen dinner and start on the cupcakes. Maybe I should call Tony's mom. I bet she's up too.