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| Image credit: Photo by geofana on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons |
My husband and I have a special association with the weekend that marks the end of daylight savings time (or rather the weekend that used to mark the end of daylight savings time, since the powers that control such things have moved it around lately). Nineteen years ago, on the day we turned the clocks back, I met Mark. We joke that things were meant to work out that way to give us an extra hour together.
And while the time doesn't change for another week yet, Mark decided to honor the old daylight savings weekend with a gift. He took my inventory. Those of you who are familiar with 12 Step lingo know that this refers to Step 4, in which you make a fearless and searching moral inventory of yourself. The inventory generally focuses on one's weaknesses but also includes one's strengths. While taking one's own inventory is an integral part of recovery, taking someone else's inventory -- telling them where they are weak, what they need to work on and what they ought to do -- is more problematic. But my husband decided to inventory only my strengths. He knew I was having trouble seeing around the big old "buts" attached to my strengths, and wanted me to see what, in his eyes, were my unqualified positive traits.
This is what he shared, and many of these I'd neglected to put on my own inventory of strengths (with or without "buts"):
- Clever and resourceful
- Loves to laugh
- Compassionate
- Loving and caring
- Has emotional fortitude
- Self aware
- Brave
- Passionate
- Honest
- Insightful
- Works on self and values self
- Willing to live life on life's terms
And he ended with "the universe has given me the miracle of a partner that no fantasy could ever match."
I think I can add to the list "tearful" and "grateful." And I didn't get him anything. Maybe I need to spend some time taking his inventory too. Good thing I'll have an extra hour to work on it next weekend.
Originally published at the Second Road on October 26, 2008.
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