Warning!
This post contains sarcasm. Those with sarcasm allergies are strongly advised to consult a doctor before reading.
This post contains sarcasm. Those with sarcasm allergies are strongly advised to consult a doctor before reading.
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| Image credit: Photo by kk+ on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons |
I was reading The Huffington Post (my source for all things sex related), when I came across a piece called "Am I a Slut or Do I Have a Sex Addiction?" which contained this quote by Annie Sprinkle, a former sex worker turned sex educator:
"I fit all the criteria for having a bona fide sex addiction to a T, except for one crucial element: shame. It is this one little horrific emotion that drives millions of so-called sex addicts to spend exponential amounts of money in therapy every year, and just as many to seek support in groups and addiction programs. This shame stems from the fact that many so-called sexual deviants are slapped with the label "sex addict" when there is, in fact, absolutely nothing wrong with liking porn, or anal sex, or spending an evening with a call girl."
As you know, it doesn't matter to me what label you slap on, as long as you all know there's recovery. And this quote reminded me that we recovery bloggers often do our readers a disservice by pushing a spiritual or therapy based recovery model, when there is another way: embrace your inner bad boy (or girl).
That's right. Shame, imposed upon us by society, is generally the sole element preventing us from enjoying our so-called addictions. After all, Ms. Sprinkle has admitted to fitting all the criteria for addiction, which would include: escalating behaviors in order to achieve the same high and compulsivity (that is, the inability to stop when she wants to, in spite of negative consequences to her health, job and relationships). But without shame, she's able to enjoy all that.*
So, come on so-called addicts! (And I think it's fair to say this goes for all of you, regardless of substance or behavior.) Forget meetings and therapy, just stop feeling bad about that compulsive behavior. It's not ruining your life; society's inability to accept it is ruining your life. And there's nothing wrong with you that changing the entire world and all the people in it won't fix.
Keep on masturbating until you bleed, and don't feel guilty about that healthy sex drive.
Start drinking that bottle of vodka when you wake up in the morning and keep going until you black out. Don't let shame stop you!
Drive your car into a telephone pole while you're high. Shoot up heroin in the bathroom while your toddler runs in the street. Smoke crack on the job. It's all in good fun, people. To hell with the intolerant society that judges you for it!
Banish those negative emotions you're feeling around spending hours downloading porn at work. Sure, you could be fired for it, but that's just because society hasn't taken an appropriately liberal view on your desire to check out naked teenagers on company time.
Tell your partner and kids to get over it. Society has just brainwashed them into feeling hurt by your behavior. Once they can accept that everything is ok without shame, they'll join right in the fun.
It's true. There's a good chance you may lose your house, your job, your friends, your family, your health and even your life, but I'm pretty sure all that stuff is for uptight losers anyway. This recovery method is ultimately a lot easier and a lot more fun than all that boring ass therapy. So, go for it, bad boys and bad girls! If it doesn't work, well, there's always 12 Step.
* In all seriousness, I want to point out that I am not trying to say Ms. Sprinkle is a sex addict. I'm using her statement to, once again, illustrate the common misconception that sex addiction is simply healthy sexuality condemned by a prudish society.
Sex addiction is not an inability to enjoy sexual behaviors due to societally imposed shame. A person who grew up during Prohibition and simply feels guilty for enjoying alcoholic drinks outside of societally set boundaries is not an alcoholic. But a person whose compulsive need for alcohol prevents them from defining and holding to their own boundaries around harmful drinking is an alcoholic. Similarly, a person who simply feels shame around sex acts due to upbringing and societal constraints is not a sex addict. A person whose compulsive need for sex prevents them from defining and holding to their own boundaries around harmful sexual behavior is a sex addict. Good?
This post originally published at The Second Road on September 6, 2008.
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