Does Sex Addiction Really Exist?

A modified version of this has been posted at The Second Road.

---

Image credit: Photo by flyzipper on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons

Last week, news broke that X-Files star David Duchovny had entered treatment for sex addiction. (His release of a statement to that effect was made, I hear, as a preemptive strike, as the tabloids were about to issue a story of their own. So much for anonymity. Nice.)

As the story has developed, there has been the usual gossipy speculation over the nature of the addiction: Was he cheating on wife Tea Leoni? Was he spending thousands on porn? Was he chasing a high in chat rooms using raunchy screen names? (And between "Fox" and "X-Files" you really should be able to come up with some good ones on your own.) But the two (legitimate) questions that have been asked most often by the media are: "What is sex addiction?" and "Does sex addiction really exist?"

I've already taken on the first question, so I think it's time to take on the second. The articles I've been reading all seem to present one or both of the following sides in this "controversy":

Side 1: There is no such thing as sex addiction. It is not listed in the DSM and so is not recognized as a disorder. So called "sex addiction" does not meet the criteria for addiction. People can have obsessive compulsive sexual behaviors that interfere with their lives, but these should not be called an "addiction."

Side 2: Sex can be addictive just like drugs and alcohol. Sex addiction causes changes in brain chemistry similar to substance addictions. Sex addiction is a genuine problem for addicts and their families.

Of course, there's a third side, a general public without specific expertise in this area, who speculate that sex addicts are simply jerks with no willpower.

So, guess which side I fall on. Well, you know I blog about sex addiction, but the answer may surprise you. Go ahead, ask me. Ask me if sex addiction really exists. Ok?

You: Does sex addiction really exist?

Me: Who cares.

Were you surprised? Come on. You were. A little bit.

But really, seriously. Who cares? What difference does that label make? Not a damn bit to me or to my husband. I haven't seen a single expert on psychology or human sexual behavior -- even those on the "there is no such thing as sex addiction" side -- argue that sexual behavior can't ever be obsessive-compulsive and destructive to people's lives. They only argue that that destructive behavior should not be called an "addiction." So, among professionals, it seems to be a question of semantics. And really, so it is with the lay public, as far as I'm concerned.

Call it addiction. Call it compulsivity. Call it a depressive disorder. Call it narcissism. Call it asshatitude, dickishness, assholism or jerkfacery. I only know what I've seen in my own life. I've seen a man who has committed himself to therapy and 12 Step programs for the past five years, after a lifetime of unhealthy sexual behavior brought him to the point of wishing for death. I've seen him grow and mature, spiritually and emotionally, into a better husband, father, employee, citizen and man. I've seen my own spiritual and emotional growth. I've watched myself become a better wife, mother and person. I've witnessed our renewed relationship with each other, a new and more genuine happiness and a deeper understanding and connection. I've made connections and found unbelievable common ground, healing, acceptance, understanding and friendship with others whose lives have been affected by addictions to alcohol and drugs.

So does sex addiction really exist? Who knows. Who cares. I don't need know whether or not it exists to know the most important thing of all: that people can change, that the methods used to treat other addictions are effective in treating problems with sexual behavior, that recovery works and that life is beautiful.