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Thursday, June 5, 2008

Change is Hard (Whether You're an Addict, Alex Barton or an Average Person)

The other day, I told my husband that I wanted to write about behavioral change, but was stuck trying to find an example, he laughed and said, "Tell the d'oh story!" So, at his suggestion, here's a little tale that has reached the status of legend in our household...

Way back in the days when Mark was still my boyfriend and not yet my husband, we were having a discussion about change over lunch with friends. And Mark and I were disagreeing. He contended that, to change behavior, all that was necessary was to decide one wanted to change and put a wholehearted effort into it. After all, his mother had just stopped smoking, cold turkey, after forty years, proving that it was possible to make dramatic changes, given sufficient motivation. I said changing behavior was a difficult and complicated thing and that one person's ability to quit smoking cold turkey didn't make it universally possible for everyone. So much of our behavior is ingrained, unconscious, reflexive or just who we are that willpower and determination could only get you so far.

And I said I could prove he was wrong. I made him a little wager to act as an incentive. I bet him that he could not go a day, just one day, without using his favorite exclamation: "D'oh!"

He scoffed at me. "One day? I could go a week! I could go a month! I could stop forever, if I wanted to and just put my mind to it." So, deciding that a single day was beneath him, that he and his willpower would so surely win, we settled on a week. Having shaken hands on the deal, he got up, walked into the next room, and leaned over to pick something up. His glasses fell off, and clear as day, not a minute after he swore to go a week without saying it, I heard the word "d'oh!" echo through the house. And then, when he realized what he'd done: "D'oh." And peals of laughter rang out from all of us.

In the end, that funny little demonstration didn't really (go figure) change his deeply held beliefs. He continued to go on believing that he could stop his own compulsive sexual behavior if he just tried really, really hard. Now, he wouldn't have bet that he could take off his glasses and will himself to read the clock across the room, but he still believed he could change deep behavioral and neurological differences. It took him a long time to realize that he had to more than try hard, he had to try hard in the right ways; he needed help and tools, just the same way that he needs eye exams and glasses.

But who can blame him for thinking that behavior is easy to change? It's a common belief in our society. In fact, in spite of my own professed beliefs that change was hard, and in spite of proving that changing something as little as saying "d'oh" was hard, I somehow believed, just like Mark did, that changing something as big as his social and sexual behavior would be easy, "if he really loved me."

And this same assumption, that changing behavior depends largely on willpower, is what teacher Wendy Portillo was acting on when she staged a kindergarten cross between Survivor and Intervention to get Alex Barton. She assumed that Alex was (because all children are, right?) capable of instantly performing as desired, if only the right carrots and (perhaps more importantly) sticks are present. She assumed, as so many of us do, that to effect change all one really needs to do is provide sufficient motivation. Prove to Alex that change is really important and then, voilà, he will exert the necessary effort and all will be right with the world. And this comes with the twin assumption: making people realize just how poorly they've done or how much they've hurt people is an excellent way to provide that needed motivation, be it in the form of shame, guilt or even empathy.

The sad truth I've seen played out in my life, from that small "d'oh" to addiction to autism to my own issues with anxiety and codependency, is that change is hard, and that different things are difficult for different people. Something that is as easy for me (with my 20/20 vision) as reading the clock across the room can be unbelievably difficult, or even impossible, for others. While something that's as difficult for me (with my migraines) as reading a page of white text on black background isn't noticeable at all for someone else. And that trying to solve interpersonal problems by telling people they ought to try harder to change is a recipe for frustration and resentment.

In Wendy Portillo's classroom, mistaken beliefs about change meant that something that may not have been intended as cruel, was. Over and over again, Wendy Portillo was saying, "Alex, it's really important to all of us that you behave the same way the rest of us do. You must not be trying, because if you were, you could do it." And over and over again, Alex was saying, "I can't. I know that for other kids, it's easy, but as hard as I try. I just have no idea how to do that or even where to start." But she didn't believe him.

She was frustrated by the behavioral equivalent of having a child in her class with vision problems and no corrective lenses. And she handled it by telling the child to work harder at trying to see better. And that child was probably left wondering why the world looked blurry, why he was so weak willed that he couldn't do the hard work the others must be doing to make things clear.

And that's eliciting a lot of exclamations much stronger than "d'oh," bringing more tears than laughter and causing everyone involved to lose a lot more than a playful bet.

22 comments:

  1. You are such a good writer. I agree with you - change is hard. And you explain it so well.
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  2. This is something I needed to hear today. A year ago might've been useful, but today will do.
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  3. Misery MarketingJun 5, 2008 07:23 AM
    I think I should just hug my son for like 10 minutes everytime I would normally yell at him and tell him why he is acting wrong. Your post reminds me of how Im a shitty Dad. But that a good thing probably.
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  4. Mary P Jones (MPJ)Jun 5, 2008 07:31 AM
    Misery Marketing, oh, I excel in making people feel like shitty parents -- I do it to myself every single day. Just come over and ask my daughter how good I am at being understanding when it comes to bedtime.
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  5. Thaks for the reminder to be ever so patient with my son. I find myself often thinking that he should try harder, slip less. Being judgemental like that puts up a wall between him and I .
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  6. My son has attention deficit and he is - mostly - medicated - and his behavior challenges are difficult - since he had a teacher like Wendy that was so similiar in how she treated him in class - I cannot agree more with you.

    People can change - but the rate and time of that change vary widely by the people themselves.
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  7. I've had three children. Two beautiful step-daughters, and one son. My daughters came into my life when my son was 11, and so I only knew his type of learning. He's bright, super-smart, and making cognitive, logical, and theoretical leaps comes so easy to him. He was "gifted and talented" throughout school. He is also emotional, and sometimes moody, like his mamma.

    And then my girls fell on the other end of the spectrum. They struggled, and I used to get so frustrated! But after testing, diagnosis, etc., my girls taught me some beautiful things.

    Autumn, my oldest, has such a brave and courageous spirit, outshining her intellectual disability. And my littlest one is forever optimistic, and so clever in other ways. They both helped me understand that we each have something to amazing and beautiful to give, despite any percieved "shortcomings."

    I just love reading your posts!
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  8. I just wanted to say how much I have enjoyed every piece you have written on this subject. Thank you.
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  9. This post was AMAZING! You have such an uncanny way with analogies, and every time I read whatever you've written, something clicks. Blog on, smart lady.
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  10. Well, you just summed up 20 years of my teaching and professional life in several gorgeous paragraphs. Thanks. Now when I want to teach about behavior change, I can just print this out and have everyone read it!

    Seriously, I love it.
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  11. Just stopped in to say hi and give you a big blogger hug.
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  12. Great explanation. The commenters above have said it all.

    I love family 'legends' :)
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  13. I want to second what Laurie said. This piece, while addressing Alex's situation, is also broad and beautiful enough to hit home with all of us who are struggling with change.

    Beautiful writing my friend. Kudos.

    And also, thanks for the added nudge toward understanding for my hubby who is battling Adult ADD in the WORST WAY right now.
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  14. Journey Through LifeJun 6, 2008 01:27 AM
    I agree completely. For me the addiction is food. It has taken me 20 years of efforts to begin to change these behaviours. If I could have changed them 20 years ago, i would have, in a heartbeat.
    xxx
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  15. vicariousrisingJun 6, 2008 02:50 AM
    Change is extremely hard which is why so many addicts stay addicts. Having the willingness to figure out what it takes to enact real change, to look underneath the surface and scrutinize reality takes courage and a lot of falling down. And we're not talking overnight miraculous improvements.

    I wish more parents spent time with their kids not only trying to understand their kids behaviors and obstacles, but also to help their kids understand the difficulties of their classmates (or just understand that their classmates may be facing difficulties, so they shouldn't jump to the conclusion there is something "wrong" with the classmate, just that they too have struggles). My son's in middle school and it seems every other day kids are ridiculing each other. I really hate that, and I know compassion starts at home.
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  16. I think I need to make myself a "change is hard" sign and keep it handy for when I want to yell at someone in my family (or myself).

    Also, I'm slowly finding my compassion for Wendy Portillo, who apparently had no skills or knowledge in how to help a child like Alex and whose support system seems to have failed her thoroughly. (I still think she should have known better. But she didn't.)
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  17. I hope the Palm Beach Post is still reading your blog.

    Thank you for this reminder to be more patient with myself and others.
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  18. Awesome post. You always make me think!
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  19. I am in tears as I read this. This is the core of the arguments between my dh and I over the past 10+ years. I come from a tough get it done family and he has always appeared so weak but well intentioned. And now the 21 years of sex addiction (11 of which predated me and remained a secret until 4 months ago) has come out and I see how for 8 of our years together - the clean years where he didn't even think he was an addict - just a guy ugly enough to need prostitutes - he must have been tightly holding onto the idea that he could just stop if he had a strong will. That is until one day 2 years ago when the stress was too great and the demon came back and he acted out. And since he's disclosed I've just wanted to beat the lesson into him and it is only driving our relationship further into the grave.

    Everyone has told me to stop, the therapists, the family, my husband and still I continue to retraumatize both of us in an attempt to get him to change it all. But I realize the past is never going to change and that continuing to make him relive the shame is not going to make him change in the future. Until now that is only way I have known.

    We have been awake fighting over this for the past 72 hours. He has begged me to stop and to just move forward. I thank God for inspiring this post at this point in time because it is what I really needed to hear. Thank you.
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  20. Mary P Jones (MPJ)Jun 14, 2008 03:12 AM
    Stephanie, your comment brought tears to my eyes -- both for the pain I know you are in and for gratitude for this "God moment" where we are part of each other's journey. Thanks for sharing and for being here.
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  21. Nice summary of the difficulty of changing behavior, and review of what went wrong in the Barton/Portillo incident.

    But, I think two more things needs to be addressed. First, recognition of the need to change (which could include the intervention of others, telling you why you need to change) probably does play a role, no? in changing behavior. Second, what do we do when we both recognize that a behavior is extremely difficult (perhaps impossible) to change and also unacceptable?

    I think the first is the reason that many "conservatives" are uncomfortable with the argument you've laid out here. You're pointing out how difficult it can be to produce a conforming behavior, but people also know that there is a range of compliance available to many, certainly neurotypical adults and children, but perhaps also to atypical children and adults.

    The second comes up when we think about punishment/justice/and protecting society, while at the same time recognizing that certain behaviors may stem from biology (a case I've seen cited is a person who became a pedophile and started abusing a relative after the growth of a tumor in his brain). The behavior is unacceptable, even if we can also recognize the person is suffering from a disease, no different from a cancer that causes blindness.

    bj (don't like to use a blogger identitiy, but of course, I recognize that you don't have to answer my questions. Please consider them rhetorical).

    (and, the philosophical discussion has nothing to do with Portillo/Barton.)
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  22. Mary P Jones (MPJ)Jun 18, 2008 08:49 AM
    bj, thanks for visiting. I think you have some excellent points -- and they are things I've been giving a great deal of thought to myself. I think those musing deserve their own post -- but I will warn you that, when it comes to questions like these, it sometimes takes me months to get my thoughts together and articulate them in a post. You'll just have to stick around. ;)
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