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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Celebrity Sex Addiction in the News


On the morning I flew out to Long Vowels' wedding, Google Alerts notified me that Bill Murray's wife had filed for divorce, citing (among other things) his "sexual addictions."

I have to say, I don't see why these sex addiction stories can't break at times that are more convenient for me personally. Still, unable to blog about it, I texted Vowels and The Junky's Wife on the way to the airport. ("I'm on my way. P.S. Bill Murray is a sex addict.") Then JW texted me back about sharps containers for syringes in the airport bathrooms. She even took a picture. Good recovery blogging fun.

What I found interesting wasn't Bill Murray's divorce or personal life, but the news coverage and what this divorce says about how sex addiction is perceived in our society. First, it's no surprise that the headline in the New York Post read "Bill Murray's Wife: He's a Sex Addict" and not "Bill Murray's Wife: He's an Alcoholic," although that was included in the divorce papers she filed as well. "Sex addict" is so much more gripping and well, salacious.

But more important is the fact that sex addiction is mentioned at all. It shows that sex addiction is (as much as anything can be in a divorce proceeding, where many accusations are viewed with suspicion, as a means to gain an advantage) being taken seriously; it carries enough credibility to be mentioned and can be seen as a painful contributor to the breakup of a marriage. I find this, in a strange way, encouraging. The words sex addiction are moving out there, into the mainstream. Not long ago, it would have been more titillating than it is today to hear someone was an alcoholic, because there was so much more secrecy and shame and so much less awareness and education. (Which is not to say that secrecy and shame are gone from alcoholism or that awareness and education are stellar.) But I believe just naming the disease helps. Letting people know it exists helps. It's the first step toward healing.

And I wish Bill Murray and his soon-to-be ex-wife healing, addicts or not.
Posted by at 3:00 PM
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12 comments:

  1. woman.anonymous7Jun 18, 2008 05:30 PM
    I completely agree. I find it amazing that as a 43 year old person, well educated, a news reader, a consumer of all forms of media, someone who considers myself progressive and aware in terms of sexuality, I had not ever heard of sex addiction before I sat facing a therapist wondering why my best friend and partner of 20 years had been having sex with prostitutes for years and lying to me about it.

    I'm so sad whenever I hear about someone discovering sex addiction, but at the same time, I'm glad when this disease receives attention because I belive so many addicts and their partners, children, family and friends are suffering the effects of it and don't have a name for what is happening. And with no accurate description available...no effective treatment.
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  2. And more trial by rocket. The Israelis perfected it, we have adopted it and we take it as truth, justice, and the American way. God help us all. What the hell ever happened to trial by a jury of your peers, with the consequence of lying under oath? You fire the rockets and they have no brain and they don't give a shit what or who they kill. Tabloid fodder and god how they eat it up. Pure hearsay. This isn't the first time I have found you guilty of these charges and quite frankly I think I'm done here. Get well soon.

    postpaleo
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  3. I, too, am glad to see the words "sex addict" and "sex addiction" move into the mainstream more. It is as prevelant among certain groups of people as alcohol and drugs. I'd say celebrities, people of power, the medical field (including emergency service providers), to name a few.

    I know these things not by theory, but by being in the gutters of my disease and in the healing rooms of SLAA. (OK, celebrities are a theory -- but theater type people by direct experience.)

    I was recently talking to a fellow addict and physician about the prevelance of this disease in his field and said it would be advisable for the AMA to address this. He seemed skeptical of this happening, I'm sure because it might open the door for legal reprecussions. Like all things, keep the lawyers out by keeping our mouths shut.
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  4. Thanks for teaching me a new word. I had to look up salacious. Now I have polite way of saying lustful.

    At the beginning of the end, I was in a chat room and asked if anyone thought this might be an addiction. I knew it was for I could not stay away. Some one answered,"Yes, but I'm not stopping."
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  5. Mary P Jones (MPJ)Jun 19, 2008 01:35 AM
    Woman A, same here. And I'm realizing I have a lot more to say about this than I can in a comment. Maybe there's another post coming!
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  6. This is a pretty major breakthrough. I remember when I found porn on my husband's computer for the millionth time (after he had promised as many times to stop) and asked him why he couldn't just quit looking at it. When he answered, "I think I'm addicted," I thought yeah, right. If there was more awareness about the disease, we would have been able to name the problem and deal with it much sooner. I think I also would have not felt like it was a such a personal affront.

    I think another breakthrough was when Gerald Ford told his biographer that he believes Bill Clinton is a sex addict. Here's the article:

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/us_world/2007/10/28/2007-10-28_newsers_book_ford_saw_clinton_as_a_sex_a.html
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  7. Mary P Jones (MPJ)Jun 19, 2008 02:38 AM
    postpaleo, we clearly aren't understanding one another. I wish you the best as well.
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  8. mpj, pardon my ignorance, but i'm still tyring hard to figure out exactly what defines a sex addict.
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  9. Mary P Jones (MPJ)Jun 19, 2008 11:56 AM
    Great question, Chatti Patti! I can't believe I haven't blogged about that yet. Duh. I will have to give that one its own post.
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  10. Burning PrairieJun 19, 2008 10:09 PM
    I am going to have to say this: divorce is often very acrimonious, with spouses accusing each other of many things. When you have loved someone and that love dies, sometimes you want to hurt them with everything you can, true or not. I too read this on Huff Post, but then read this follow-up http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/09/jennifer-butler-murray-bi_n_105978.html
    I think it behooves us to not make snap judgments based on what one estranged spouse says about another. Until I see evidence or testimony to the contrary, I will take this with a teaspoon of salt and assume that this is simply a gambit in what is sure to be a nasty divorce.

    Although, I'm not sure what the Israelis have to do with this, or rockets for that matter, but this all does seem very National Inquirer-ish.
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  11. Mary P Jones (MPJ)Jun 20, 2008 12:58 AM
    Burning Prairie, apparently this is what I get for writing posts at the end of a long day! It seems that (for both you and postpaleo) I created an impression I didn't intend to by being a bit flip in the second paragraph.

    I was not intending to report (in spite of my tongue in cheek text to my friends) on whether or not Bill Murray actually suffers from sex addiction. (And if he does, I don't think it's titillating at all, but that's a separate post.) His wife may be making wild accusations with no basis in fact.

    But that doesn't matter (for the purposes of this post). My intention was actually to comment on the very effect I seem to have created -- that sex addiction is viewed as exciting, taboo gossip. And as more more thrilling and worthy of note by the gossip media than any of the other charges.

    I also wanted to note that the words sex addiction were used at all -- that of all the things (true or false) that could have come up in a divorce proceeding, his wife chose to put "sex addiction" forward and to use those words in particular -- not just adultery or addiction.

    I appreciate your feedback. I may edit the post. I think the message is important, and I don't want it to be lost.
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  12. I see it allot more these days, maybe because I am more awaare of it - than I used to in my past.
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