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Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Before I Die...

Photo credit: Photo by
Ms. Maze on Flickr

Death is on my mind for obvious reasons lately: the loss of first one friend and then another, both younger than 45 and both within days of each other. And I've noticed, in this thinking about death vein, that my friends Mama, MomVee and storyteller have all posted lists of things they want to do before they die. (Mama Zen, being all contrary like I like, posted her list of things that weren't going to happen before she died.) So, as I've been contemplating my own mortality, I've been thinking of what I'd put on my own list.

I thought about the people I'd want to spend time with, the places in the world I'd like to visit, the things I might like to learn to do, the stories I want to write. But I realized that many of them were things I don't have any control over, and more than that, in the face of death, they don't seem all that important. After all, I can live without doing them, so I think I can die without doing them. In focusing on those things, I feel I'm picking out motes in a beam of sunlight that's illuminating one single, dark obelisk rising from the ground: one single, substantial object I'm trying to ignore. I'm trying to pile up enough dust specks to compete with solid rock, when in a breath, they're gone.

If I'm completely honest with myself, this is my list, the one thing I hope to do before I die:

  1. Make peace with my own death.

I'll die whether I do it or not, but I really hope I'm able to at least get closer to that place before I do.

Posted by at 2:39 AM
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7 comments:

  1. Sophie in the MoonlightJun 24, 2008 10:16 AM
    I am so sorry about the passings of your friends. You are in my thoughts and prayers. And as far as your big humongous list: when I go to that thought I try to think of my death as just another stage of life, like learning to walk or ride a bike, it's just a final journey. I'm not exactly unemotional or detached from the thought of death, it's hard to be ambivalent when you have kids, but the idea of another stage is what moves my ruminating along to the next big thought.

    You've got my love, for whatever it's worth, in this life and the next.
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  2. Brilliant response to what u would like to do before you die.

    I can hardly say the word death right now without floods of tears. My beautiful 65 year old mother is suffering so terribly with advanced Multiple Sclerosis that I'm sure she will not be with us for very much longer.
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  3. {{{{{{{{{MPJ}}}}}}}}}

    That mortality stuff is HARD!!! I'm sooo sorry you're being hit with a double death whammy.

    Thanks for sharing. I'm here if you want a virtual or telephoned shoulder.
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  4. MPJ my heartfelt condolences on your losses. I have to agree with you, I think my list would be the same. As always thank you for touching me with your words, when you are obviously pulled tight emotionally at the moment. (hugs) Cat
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  5. My condolences on your losses. I'm so sorry.

    I wish we didn't die.
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  6. I think if I could just get the news occasionally, I wouldn't mind dying quite so much. I'd just like to know how the world turns out.
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