Pause

Photo credit: Photo by Rebecca (Becky/Bex) on Flickr

When I was a kid and my parents needed to get my brother or me to stop what we were doing, they'd use the language of sports to break things up. "Time out!" they'd yell, holding their hands up in a referee's T. My household, however, operates on the language of the digital age. When I'm doing something with the kids and need to stop to, say, make dinner, I'll say, "Ok, PAUSE!" Sometimes I press an imaginary pause button, slowly, for effect. And now I'm going to use my imaginary pause button on my blog. PAUSE!

I had intended to do a post today (the long promised post) on life, the universe and me (oh, and Silda Spitzer). I was especially eager to finish after I interrupted everything yesterday to take note of April Fool's Day. However, I'm going to take a breath and do something else today. Here's why:

• My daughter seems to be doing that kid thing where she's making a developmental leap and so is not sleeping. In this case, I think she's learning to read. Last night she was up until 10 p.m. copying titles of books onto a piece of paper. When she's up late, I'm up later. I'm tired.
  
  
• My husband and I are dealing with some issues (not related to his sex addiction or our marriage -- never fear) that are reaching a critical juncture this week. For anonymity purposes, I'm choosing not to blog about just which shit is hitting our family fan right now, but suffice it to say it is taking my mental energy away from composing complex blog posts.
  
  
• Finally, someone spent a good long time (several hours) yesterday reading every post I've written on a particular subject. (Yes, I can see you all! I can seeee yoooou.) Now some of you may think that's great. "Wow, someone really loves your writing!" you might say. But as my husband pointed out when I mused about this last night, my blogging says, "Love me! Love me! No, no, not that much! Not that much!"
  
  You see, someone being that interested in me makes me anxious and reminds me of the fragility of my anonymity here. I'm just insecure and paranoid enough (and just time constrained enough not to have spent several hours reading anything in years) that I wonder how my writing (and the particular subject of interest) could that compelling to people who don't know me. So, I need to write a post I've been putting off for some time to address that particular demon in my head.

So, my apologies to me for not doing what I intended (because I'm really the one who has that little seed of disappointment about being sidetracked). But this is what I need to do right now and that's the way life rolls. I'm hoping to shout "UNPAUSE!" on Thursday.