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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

God

Photo credit: métrogirl on Flickr
I've been meaning to write for some time about God -- about coming to accept the word "God" and about some recent moments when I've felt close to "God" -- but I'm having the same problem I had talking with my daughter. I'm having a hard time saying what God is to me, rather than what God is not. And all this discomfort calls into question how much I really am ready to accept the word "God."

Now, it may seem strange that I'm not talking about accepting God, but am instead talking about accepting the word God. I am not lacking spirituality or a connection to the divine, but I haven't been comfortable using "God" to describe it. When I say God, the image that comes to mind is of the God of my childhood: the anthropomorphic God the Father. And as I spluttered to my daughter during our God talk, that's not something I believe in or want in my life.

My friend Jay and I have talked about God quite a bit over the course of our friendship, and she was one of the first people who helped me see that I could put the name God to my sense of the divine. She is Jewish, while I was raised Catholic and now generally describe myself as somewhere along the lines of agnostic. Yet I've found that what she calls "God" is virtually indistinguishable from what I have referred to in my own life as "spirituality."

Jay once wrote to me: "The best description I have of what I think of as God is a story from Kabbalah. The kabbalists wrote that before the world was created, God kept the Scheninah (spirit or light, often viewed as the female impulse of the Divine) in a clay vessel. One day the vessel broke, and the Scheninah was shattered into innumerable pieces. In that instant, God created humanity, so each of us could hold one small bit of the Divine light. It is that light, the divine impulse in each person, that I find closest to a vision of God." And that's what I would call my spirituality, my vision of God as well: not the God that kept light in a clay vessel or created humanity to keep it, but the shattered Scheninah, the light itself. Jay calls that divine light in all of us God.

And lately, I have begun calling that divine light God too, as my husband already does. Using the word God helped me feel as if I were tearing down some of the barriers I have put up to keep the word out of my life -- not to keep the divine presence out, but to keep the word itself and the common interpretation and understanding of that word out. In finally naming my spirituality "God," I felt I was removing an artificial separation from others who do use the word God. But I have been wondering, just today as I struggled yet again to start this post, both if I'm really ready to use the word God for myself and if I'm creating confusion in others who will assume through my use of that word that my beliefs are something very different from what they are. Perhaps I should call my understanding of God "The Divine" instead.

As I muse, I'll ask you: Do you have God in your life? And if so, what is God to you?
Posted by at 3:28 AM
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14 comments:

  1. Slutty McWhoreMar 19, 2008 05:16 AM
    I do believe in God, and I don't mind using the word God, but of course I don't believe in a big, old guy with a beard hanging about on a cloud somewhere. I find it hard to describe what God means to me, but I suppose it's just a feeling of complete calmness, love and acceptance (for myself and everybody) which washes over me - sometimes, not often.

    Actually I've been feeling that quite a lot whenever I write my "Morning Pages" (as outlined in the "Artist's Way - jeez, that's the second time this week I've mentioned Julia Cameron. She should hire me as her publicist). She talks a lot about just letting God take control of your life (and she lets you define God however you want). She says it's "God's purpose" for you to be fulfilled and creative - to be the "best you" you possibly could be.

    I believe this, but at the same time I have a hard time accepting the fact that just believing in God will solve all my problems. What about all the poor, sick people in the world who have no way out of their situation? What good would believing in God do if you were a Brazilian street child?
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  2. I am becoming more spiritual through the recovery process than I have been since I was a small child and forced to attend church. The word God - for me implies something larger than myself and the world around me - something spiritual that you cannot touch or see but like love it just is. I have been meaning to write about the second step - trusting your higher power, because I have been stumped - about handing my life over to a higher power I do not know or perhaps do not yet trust. You have me thinking I have work to do, thank you for this post. Cat
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  3. I despise organized religion, what with all the hypocrisies, hatefulness and and killing in 'God's' name. I believe much the same as you and my God is simply my "higher power"; although I do use the word God on occasion, because I sometimes feel I need a word to attach to my higher power. I don't care if people are confused by my spirituality. I know what I mean!

    So. The word 'God' to me, simply means higher power.
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  4. God is caring, loving and forgiving. He is greater than me. He guides and protects and directs me even during those times I cannot understand him and reject him. He is the sky, the moon, the sun, the stars and the ocean.
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  5. @slutty mcwhore: It depends, I suppose, on how you view God as working. A Brazilian street child could find that believing in someone caring about her is what she needs to get by. I also have a hard time believing that faith is all that is needed or that God is some sort of being that will work with me for my success.

    I'm struggling with what I believe. I was raised in the United Church of Canada (a pretty damn liberal church) and I often wonder if I just say I believe because it makes me feel better. I think that religion, like any other belief system, can be used for good or for ill (Communist Russia had no ordained god but they still managed to kill a shitload of people). Relating the feeling I get when I'm at a really good church service or when I view an amazing cathedral to God is as close as I can get to acknowledging that other people throughout time have felt this pull and given it a name. That name is the best I can do at this point.
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  6. Recovery DiscoveryMar 19, 2008 11:36 AM
    I wrote about the God of my lack of understanding here: http://discoveringrecovering.blogspot.com/search?q=lack+of+understanding

    But then you know that already. Jay shared the story from the Kabbalah, and you said you were gonna get around to blogging about your understanding. Guess this is the post. ;-)
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  7. I think that "God" is everything. The catch is, though, that I can only connect to "God" from within. Yet, if I look or take the time to notice, I see God outwardly everywhere. Go figure.

    I am betting that "God" thinks we get to caught up in labels.
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  8. Velvet VerbosityMar 19, 2008 03:13 PM
    You more or less nailed it for me. Though I've been thinking about it all day, and I think perhaps I might have to write my own post about it.

    Stay tuned...

    Oh, and I'm hoping the next post is the one on pornography...(Velvet Verbosity waiting with eyes wide and hands clasped)
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  9. I still believe in the basic tenets of the organized religion in which I grew up, but I've come to accept that a lot of what we refer to as "religion" is man made and flawed. The space between is where I try to work out my own relationship with God. Does that make any sense at all?
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  10. My problem with the "God" word is similar to yours in that it invites conversations with people that I don't want to have, and it makes people believe things I don't want to believe. I try to protect that word from situations where people will further complicate it for me.
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  11. You're stepping into places where your heart may be tugging you towards. However you reach it, however you intrepret it, whatever you do, do it at your own comfort level and pace. In seeking, you will find. Find what feels "right" to you. God knows our intentions and our hearts.
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  12. This was really interesting and hit home for me.
    For a long time I couldn't bring myself to use the word god. I would say the Divine or Spirit.
    And lately, for reasons I don't even fully know I've found myself using the god word again. It does not mean the god of a particular religion. But for me, somehow saying Spirit started to feel so ethereal, mystical, when what I really feel is that I know and experience god through the people I live with and daily life, the profane even. So here I am, saying god.
    It's a hard one though. And I enyoyed hearing your thoughts.
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  13. Really? You are inspiring the "what is god?" question in me? Are we allowed to do that?

    I thought I wasn't blogging as much. so much for that :)

    One god blog coming up (sometime soon)
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  14. Sophie in the MoonlightMar 20, 2008 03:32 PM
    I don't like saying god unless I'm swearing. I think it is my ultimate rebellion against the fire and brimstone god of my pentacostal upbringing.

    I use different words to describe different aspects. I say "thank Goddess" instead of "Thank God". I commune with Mother Earth and I'm in awe of her fertility and her fortitude. When I think of the afterlife or of a heavenly sort of guiding presence, I call it the collective conscience. I think we all stop there to add our experiences and share with other spirits before we are reincarnated back here. Assuming of course that we still have lessons to learn back here in corporeal form.

    However, I am a weirdo. I'm a reformed former fundamentalist seeking to make sense of my instinct for wholeness and fullness in the spirit. I cannot follow a set of rules for a corporate church's belief system. So I read a lot and listen to my spirit and the world around me and come up with what makes sense to me and encourages me to be a better person. I'm a do-it-myself pagan buddhist.
    Praise the Goddess:)
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