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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Clean Slate

"My mouth's bleeding, Bert! My mouth's bleeding! Zuzu's petals...Zuzu's petals! There they are! Bert, what do you know about that!"
~George Bailey, It's a Wonderful Life
There have been times I've experienced computer problems when I would spend hours and hours cleaning up this and patching that. And at some point I'd find it was just easier to wipe the hard drive clean and reinstall everything from scratch: crazy bits of old useless extensions and drivers gone, evil spyware gone, internet cookies gone, everything gone in one swift, all encompassing gesture.

As I dig myself out of the wrapping paper and pine needles, as I clean up what looks like an explosion of Christmas dinner from the kitchen stove and counters, as my husband meets with counselors to deal with our debt and I worry that we spent both too much and too little on gifts, I find myself wishing I could obliterate everything and start over, wipe the hard drive of my life and reinstall everything.
I want the debt gone.

I want the house cleaned from top to bottom and every broken thing returned to its original state.

I want everyone healthy.

I want old resentments and hurts gone.

I want every horrible, stupid, insensitive or just plain ignorant thing I've ever done, said or thought forgiven.

I want to forgive everyone for everything.

I want my whole world clean and white and untouched as new fallen snow.
And then I remember George Bailey, at the end of It's a Wonderful Life, kissing the end of the stair post that comes off in his hand. Life is life. It's as it should be. And it's wonderful.
Posted by at 6:02 AM
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14 comments:

  1. Here's to a clean slate!

    In a way that is what perfect parents would do for us; always let us start over fresh.
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  2. Damn movie making everybody cry.
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  3. Danielle Blogging for BalanceDec 26, 2007 07:53 AM
    Me to...that's where my faith comes in ;)God does that for me. Well, maybe not cleaning the house...but He makes it so I don't feel as compelled to keep it perfect ;)

    The Biploar Diaries
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  4. Journey Through LifeDec 26, 2007 08:26 AM
    Great post! The symbolism for life reflected in the wiping of the computer is a factor in my life right now. Then I made a list of programs that I regularly, passwords that automatically log me in that I can't remember anymore, programs that I don't have the software for because a friend leant it to me, how much I have to do on the computer and don't have time to muck around at this time of the accounting year...

    For my life metaphor, I would love to wipe it clear. Computer speaking, Oh My Goodness!!!

    Annie
    xxx
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  5. That's a timeless movie all right. Good post.
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  6. The Discovering AlcoholicDec 26, 2007 10:34 AM
    Without learning the life lessons that come from building up all the crap in my life, even after a total erasure I would shortly find myself rife with same the problems.
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  7. Why don't they make movies like that anymore? Stories with a moral end?

    Anyway, it's all true, even though I wish for the wiped clean hard drive too. I just want to erase and start fresh.

    It does remind me of one modern movie, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and this idea that you could actually wipe your personal hard drive clean of what ails it. Then, of course, the main character realizes that he doesn't really want to do that. He chooses "life as it is" instead.

    Sigh.
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  8. Find CCleaner, it's free and just plain wonderful. Easy google. I have total faith in it, but the first time you use it, do back up the registory and it will prompt you to do so, when you use that feature. Very simple interface and it seriously keeps our computer doing what it should. It can free up vast amounts of space on your hard drive when you use it with the tools that come with Windows. Won't solve spyware problems, that is another freebie, but some programs that need the spyware won't work if you ditch parts of it.

    You can file this comment under, perfectionism, decluttering, anxiety, I'm a nerd, geek fun...but you did that already. ;p
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  9. More than once I've caused more grief just by trying to start all over. Now it's life as it is even when it drive me crazy. Thanks for the post.
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  10. I hear ya, sister! I want much the same. I love Christmas, but it makes me feel so unsettled every single year.

    Hey - I've stumbled upon some interesting ways to save money. I hadn't realized how frivolous I was until the last month or so. I'll share in email. It won't help the debt, but it might free up some extra cash to put toward it.
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  11. Poignant and thought-provoking as usual ... all the more interesting because I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" again just yesterday so it's fresh in mind (along with the Simple Truths video and my own personal reflections at Sacred Ruminations). The end of the year does end tend to bring up such thoughts as we prepare to begin anew. On a more practical note, I've lost sound on my computer (sigh) when I dumped the Sonic Widgets with Christmas music and have no clue how to get it back, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to wipe the hard drive and start over any time soon. Funny how you don't miss something until it's gone.
    Hugs and blessings,
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  12. woman.anonymous7Dec 29, 2007 12:42 PM
    Thanks for this reminder. I'd been starting to feel a little crazy thinking about how much I want to clean off the slate of my life this year and how little time I have to do it. My list is similar to yours. And it's not going to happen. But now, when the stair post comes off in my hand, I'll remember that I can kiss it and feel gratitude for what I do have, and for the opportunity that life (all of life) is.
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  13. Me too. To every point on your list. Want it and want it now.

    Are you a Mac user? I used to love setting aside an afternoon to clean up my extensions. Then I was forced to switch to a PC and no longer have an intimate knowledge of the inner workings of my 'puter. No longer need to have either because the PC works better. That's my experience anyway.

    Not that I don't miss my Mac from time to time. I swear to God the other day I was in a store looking at a Mac, thinking, I miss fixing my extensions, I could get one of these for home. How crazy is that?? And other rhetorical questions. haha.

    Now that I look at it that way, I could say that I've spent the last twelve months focused on my relationship extensions when I should have tossed the whole thing outta the window.

    What have you done to me, MPJ? :)
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  14. Beautiful. I *really* must see that film!
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